Worst Spring Break Ever/Painful Counselling

So, I figure I'll start with the negative stuff first.
It's been about two weeks since my spring break and I had a feeling I wouldn't have a very good time. Mainly because I wouldn't have a semi-regular school schedule to distract me from my depressive state. And I was right. Since it's been a while I can't remember the exact details but I basically did a whole lot of nothing. I still had to come in for monitoring at the print studio which was good, I think I did a little bit of homework. And I got to meet up with two of my friends from cegep that I used to hang out with all the time but haven't seen in months. I was really looking forward to hang out with them again but to my extreme disappointment I didn't really enjoy myself. Although I was happy to see them, it just didn't feel the same as before. I couldn't really connect to them, it felt like they were in a separate world and I was just looking through a window or something like that. I feel so trapped and separated from all my friends.

Then, due to my stupid negligence and bad mood, I got a killer flu/fever combination that literally forced me do more nothing for four days. I hadn't got such a bad cold in a long while! All I could really do was watch movies and sleep alot which I don't enjoy in large quantities. Just when I started feeling better it was back to school!

I also started counselling a week before spring break and it's been pretty hard. My counsellor basically started with asking me questions about the precise things I didn't want to think or talk about! This forced me to relive my worst memories plus she expressed concern over my love of metal music which is the only thing that makes me excited these days.
I guess it was/is so painful because I am forced to realize just how bad a state I'm in when I'd rather not think about it.
But last session wasn't so bad. My pastor came which was nice and most of the time was spent uncovering counterfeit truths and activities I used to believe in that actually worked against God and it was very interesting. I didn't realize how many lies I had to get through to where I am in my faith today. I used to be really into New Age concepts, I used to see a psychic regularly and meditate with her. I also thought for a while that Jesus wasn't the only way to salvation but one of many ways and I had a friend who was into Wicca and she definitely influenced me. More recently I also figure listening to satanic black metal is just not a very good idea! Whether they do it for attention or are sincere, the lyrics are so overtly anti-Christian and eventually is rather insulting to me. Anyways, it's not a genre I listen to that much plus Antestor is Christian and has the same sound but better so it's alot easier to give up black metal now.
So, I renounced all these things and officially confessed and brought them to Jesus. I already rejected all these things but it's good to make it very clear where I stand with God and really confess. Yay some progress!

Stoopid stress

This past week has been difficult spiritually speaking. The main problem being that I couldn't go to small group or to my church today. But earlier in the week too, I had a hard time because I felt extremely tempted to call an ex who's now a friend so we could hang out. The trouble is that when I'm with him I can't help but smoke up with him. Basically, I shouldn't hang out with him anymore but I still call him when I feel really stressed and need to get away from the house for a little bit. I really depend on him too much to feel better. I need to find something else to do when I'm stressed and need to relax. But anyway, I ended up going over, watching tv and getting giggly and then sleepy.

Another disappointment is that I was supposed to see a Christian councillor tomorrow but it's been moved to two weeks from now. I was actually very nervous to start councilling sessions because I really don't want to think about my issues that I'm not even entirely aware of. Also, I'm afraid she might try to turn me into a cookie-cutter Christian, tell me not to listen to metal, stop dressing weird and such. Or be like, 'God loves you so what's the problem?'. That would be quite awful.

But in the end, I just want to get it over with but now I have to wait some more. Maybe God is trying to teach me patience or something.

To lighten up this post a little, I recently came across the 2 funniest pictures I have ever seen! I feel it relates to my post partially about how silly and over-the-top those black metal guys can be. Some are aware of how it's kind of funny how evil they're trying to be but some are embarassingly not so aware. The pics are from a thread from ultimate metal forum about Bloodbath (but the pics have nothing to do with them)

This last one is my absolute favorite! I always have to laugh out loud at it! Aah metal, so awesome...