how L is doing

So I got a chance to talk to L at my friend's house but it didn't go quite the way I expected. The good news is that she's trying. She doesn't want to die and is in fact scared of it. She appreciated my insightful words and now we're good friends. I call her almost everyday to see how she's doing and just share. But boy did my other friend get in the way that night! He decided to get drunk, then stoned then high on blow and got so chatty and kept interrupting me and yelling things like "I'm gonna put your head in a lock and force feed you a turkey!" to L. I had to restrain myself I was getting angry and frustrated but it's ok since I've had more time with her without him around (I was stoned and high too). Even though she's not sure she believes, she actually asked me to come to small group and church! She came to both each once now and she loved it! I'm so happy she can meet nice people who can care for her. She told me she was completely isolated from everyone, stuck in a depression and believing everyone is dangerous. But in group she became very chatty and people enjoyed talking with her just as much as she did with them. She felt that they were very good people and wants to come back! I'm just happy she can get prayed for now and won't feel that no one would care if she died which is what she told me earlier. The not so great news is that she's around 85 pounds and only eats 300 calories in vegetables a day. She thinks it's enough and in fact sees nothing but fat in the mirror. I told her we can help each other out and keep each other company in our dark times that we're both having. And hopefully we can both face our past pain and get healed by God and live free and happy.

what do you do?!

What do you do when you see someone slowly dying in front of your eyes because they are in complete, hopeless despair and don't want to live anymore? My good friend who passed away almost exactly a year ago was the one in despair and slowly killing himself with drugs. Me and mutual friends tried to talk to him, told him rehab could really help. His mom still cries to me when she talks about all the ER visits and trips to doctors to get him help but he always refused it and since he was considered of sound mind, she couldn't do anything about it since he still had his right to say no. We did our best but he would always turn the tables around and say, "well what about you?" when we suggested rehab and that would always shut us up. It still makes me guilty to know I was always too high and in despair myself to really help him. And now he's gone, he just didn't wake up one day. Now I mention all this because there is another mutual friend from the psych ward who I'll call L and she's diagnosed with borderline personality disorder like me. But where my main BPD problem is substance abuse, hers is anorexia and she's literally starving herself to death. She actually went down to 61 lbs had seizures, had cardiac arrest twice in the ambulance and stayed in the ICU for at least 2 weeks. She has a cute little son and she doesn't want to live. It's like watching my old friend die all over again. So I scream again, "WHAT DO YOU DO?! when you witness someone going through this deadly hopeless destructive despair?? Have a glass of mead, ok just partially kidding. These people need help but they refuse it. But it's still such a tragedy when they lose their lives. It's a symptom of their issues that they refuse. I can't just stand by idly as they march towards their untimely deaths in front of my eyes. I don't know her that well but I've got to do something. At least try my best to reach out to her, tell her it will get better or something. Bring hope. I used to think hope was just a trivial concept from Disney movies but that's not true at all. In these cases it makes the difference between life and death. The only reason I'm alive today after all I've been through and all the terrible hopeless despair I felt is my faith in Jesus. He always gave me hope that things would get better, at least in heaven if not here. Anyways, that's my goal. I'm gonna try to get some private chat time with her and try to give her some hope. And pray. And that's the best I can do.