For Christian lovers of Art

So very often, sincere Christians ask themselves and each other what is ok to listen/watch/look at and what isn't? We had a great guest speaker a couple weeks ago who touched on that subject at church. Short answer: depends. Does the song/movie/TV show etc. bring your heart closer to God or further away? We definitely have to be careful of what we consume but of course, everyone is different. There could be an R rated movie with shocking scenes but it's plot is about redemption or certain elements remind you of Jesus' character or you marvel at how well made it is as a whole or just at the wonderful backdrops or costumes or how well it unfolds human nature. Alright, it could be ok for you. Maybe someone of an older generation wouldn't see these things and just find it traumatizing. Then it's not ok for them. Even if Bambi wrenches your heart so much that you question God's goodness, then maybe you should avoid it.
For me personally with music, it's definitely important for me to purposely listen to some lyrically positive songs, whatever genre it doesn't matter. I know if I listen to NIN too long or some of silverchair's Freakshow when I'm in a good mood, it'll eventually drag me down and I know God wouldn't be happy about that. On the other hand, when I'm already in a bad mood, it can help to know others can feel the same way as me. But I've still got to sprinkle in some more upbeat tunes. For metal in general, I think enjoying the skill required to play it well is similar to enjoying God's skill in creating the beautiful things in nature. In the end, the best is to pray to God about it and listen/watch for His guidance for your own particular heart.

cold/asthma/indoor air pollution...

I've actually done pretty good this winter time in terms of colds. Last time I got sick was in September. And now I am sick from this past Saturday and of course my period starts at the exact same time and my asthma got triggered again. At one point I was afraid I would have to go to the ER again because my inhaler was starting to lose its efficacy. But thanks be to God, it's gotten better now. At one point, my dad dropped by in my room to see how I was and then went on one of his scientific rants (hazard of having a PhD in nuclear physics and mathematics) and declared that the rising rates of asthma in children is largely due to indoor air pollution. I mentioned some articles I had read in the newspaper about kids immune systems being crappier because of environments that are too clean, so what about that? That may also be true but his argument sounded logical and alarming. We've got too much stuff in our houses, workplaces and schools and we don't know what they're all made of. Plus they trap all kinds of dust and microbes etc. He said everything gives off tiny amounts of molecules into the air all the time and in the case of something like poisonous heavy metals, only tiny amounts accumulated over time in our bodies can start to affect us. Yikes. I always found my plush Spongebob looked a little creepy in the dark but now he may truly be acting sinisterly since I don't know what he's made of either. And what about all the other children's toys made so cheaply out there? Eeep. Gotta have less stuff. And crack open windows whenever possible.
P.S my dad's rants make it impossible to watch Mythbusters with him. He always announces how obvious that the myth is true/not/sometimes. He doesn't see the point behind it. It's funny and frustrating at the same time.

chugging along

These days my life has really calmed down. Well, I still get ups and downs but they're not nearly as bad as before. I hang out with clean friends including new ones from rehab, go to the occasional 12-step meeting (I found a Marijuana Anonymous meeting!) and spend alot of my time cooking for my family since the lady who usually does it is down with some sort of infection. And Frank visits alot too! She went nuts the other day because I was preparing a huge fish to cook and a fish based soup. She was licking the fish while I was trying to descale it and was sitting between me and the fish with her butt and tail in my face. Cute but annoying. I also saw Barney's Version and found it moving and sad. Perhaps too sad for me to watch again but there were lots of hilarious moments too and recommend it to anyone. Especially with all those scenes of our beautiful Montreal! A side note: I'm pretty sure his first wife had an extreme case of BPD. All of the outrageous behaviour, promiscuity, creative and attractive, and deep lonely suffering underneath it all which makes it impossible to be alone and leads to suicide attempts and general crazy-lookingness. I liked Barney's reaction to her totally clueless and demeaning dad. He thought he was doing the best he could in dealing with such an unstable daughter and expected her to be grateful but he never stopped to try to understand or just listen instead of 'fixing' her, judging by the way he talked about her. So Barney kicks him out. Oops, long side note.
Anyways, this is my 3rd week out of rehab and I'm doing alright. I still have urges and cravings sometimes though. But I just have to remember I don't want to stumble through this life God gave me in a hazy stupor, clueless to my self-inflicted misery and guilt. People think sometimes, oh addicts just want to party and have a good time too much. It may start out that way but the substances just take over everything and it very quickly becomes the opposite of fun. It's a form of slavery. I truly felt I could not get through the day without killing myself if I did not have my drugs. But at the same time they don't take away the problems and stress but add to them so it becomes a vicious cycle. They were as essential as breathing but they almost took over that too. My asthma got so bad from the constant smoking that I used up my inhaler in 2 months when it usually lasts me at least a year or 2. When I unexpectedly ran out I freaked because I had to choose between breathing and drugging. I still couldn't stop.

i'm back!

To reply to my previous post I really got better in rehab but also realized I'm perhaps a little crazier than I thought. But overall, it was an amazing experience in there. First thing I learned, being sober isn't just for chumps. It's not all that bad. I CAN survive without weed and the rest. And I say I'm a little crazier than I thought because I get visual distortions when I get really upset or anxious. I couldn't notice this before because I was always getting visual distortions and hallucinations because of all the continuous joints. Second big thing, is that drugs do not solve your problems or anxiety/mood issues. They just let you ignore them better. I know this especially because my bro told me on my first weekend back that I seemed much less stressed than before rehab. This surprised me because I was having a pretty stressful weekend without the option of turning to drugs. And then I realized it was because I was too stoned to notice it before. Anyhow, I'm off to an NA meeting tonight near my house. Here's hoping it's a good group.

gone for 28 days

I'm off to rehab. I don't know if I'll go crazier or get better, probably the latter.

Old Times Cruelty tab finished!

Wow I finished alot faster than I thought I would have. I guess I just love the song so much I neglected to realize alot of the guitar parts are somewhat repetitive and there's no time-consuming crazy fast solo to tab either. I would say this song is pretty easy to play as far as metal songs go. There's just alot of tremolo picking as usual. I split the song into two guitar tracks and threw in a few piano notes in one of them in case you want to play the part but can't play piano. As always, if the links don't work, just let me know and I can reupload.
Enjoy Antestor's awesome songwriting!

gp5 file:
http://uploading.com/files/3cadbc9d/Old%2BTimes%2BCruelty.gp5/

pdf files:
track 1:
http://uploading.com/files/1b2c92c7/Old_Times_Cruelty_track1%2528acmjddotblogspotdotcom%2529.pdf/

track 2:
http://uploading.com/files/db4m6a9b/Old_Times_Cruelty_track2%2528acmjddotblogspotdotcom%2529.pdf/

Next up is Via Dolorosa. I still intend to tab everything on The Forsaken album so I'm just going down the track list. And I honestly don't know how long it will take since my life seems to be in constant upheaval but it will get done eventually.

little creative goals

Things I want to keep in mind and do:
-finish tab for Old Times Cruelty by Antestor (I'm done!)
-try to get some of my emotions out in more drawings (maybe some self-portraits which I hate doing but perhaps should do) and original bits of recorded music on piano, guitar and voice.
-start learning how to use beatcraft already
-experiment with oil paint again in the spring

Maybe creative endeavours will keep me more sane than the stupid pills psychiatrists prescribe.