my dear grandpa and the stupid psych ward again

I can't believe it. I ended up in the psych ward for something like the 12th time in the beginning of November. Why? Mostly because my grandfather on my dad's side suddenly passed away. We immediately went to New Brunswick which is where he lived with my grandma and aunt and uncle nearby. I got to have a really good time with a funny cousin of mine and my youngest cousin who really likes me. It was great but I also stole more tranquillizers from both my aunt and grandma. Not a good sign at all. Came home, knew I wasn't well so I tried to hang out with friends more and didn't go to classes. Still tried to participate in the lab. This resulted in a roller-coaster of emotions where I would feel good being with people and then crash later. It was completely exhausting. I fought with my fiance more and even spoke of breaking up. Apologized later knowing it's because my emotions are out of control. Started getting all kinds of urges to hurt and/or kill myself. Finally checked myself in to the nearest hospital. Can't remember the first week of hospitalization. Too many freak outs and ensuing over-medication. They added Prozac to my meds. Ended up strapped to a bed twice. Felt better after a week. Made a new friend. Got into a fight with another who was being annoying and brash anyway. Got discharged after a total of 2 weeks. Thought I could move on right away. Was sorely wrong. Here I am exactly a month later and I'm still not 100%. I haven't cooked a full meal since I got out. Barely shower. Low motivation for many things and low stamina for focus. But they have gotten better over the weeks. Just very slowly. I'm worried it will continue into next semester. Disappointed that I had to drop this semester completely with a medical discontinuation. But still enjoying the holidays. Doctor says I have residual depressive symptoms but is hopeful for school in the new year.