a 6 week nightmare

It's been a month or almost since I got out of psych wards. That's right, plural hospitals. Locked up for 6 weeks first in my usual local hospital then in the Douglas ICU which is a mental hospital in their Intensive Care Unit. I went completely nuts. I saw all these little warning signs like mood swings and craving drugs and suicidal thoughts but I kept thinking, I don't have a reason to feel this way right now. The only thing on my plate was wedding planning. But I guess I just couldn't take it any more. I brought a knife to my psychologist appointment and at the end of the session I was like, I think I'm made out of lead and I need to cut myself to see if it's true. So I cut myself and I was planning to threaten him if he tried to stop me but he knew how to stop me. He grabbed my hand holding the knife and said, if you don't let go we can't work together any more. And he walked me to the ER which is across the street. And that's how the nightmare began. I'll write more about what happened but for now my concentration is worse since being hospitalized.