my aunt's nightmare

I just have to retell my aunt's experience when she was a new Christian.
I guess she was in her late 20's, married with children and had recently become Christian. She loved to study the Bible during her free time which was late at night. So, one of these nights she's on her couch reading her Bible and everyone else is asleep in their rooms. Suddenly she feels someone smack her back and pull her hair. She freaks out, turns around and sees no one there. Creeped out but still enthralled by reading the Bible, she decides to move to the dining room table and study there. Again, someone smacks her in the back really hard and yanks her hair! At this point she's really scared and decides to stop reading and go to bed. Obviously, it was hard to fall asleep but she eventually did and started dreaming. In her dream the door of her bedroom slowly creaked open and she saw a figure draped in shining white clothing. When she saw their face she realized it was Jesus standing there, smiling at her. But as she looked into his face, she realized he was actually smirking at her, looking down at her with a disapproving, menacing smile.
Wow what a creepy dream! It gives me chills, especially since I can picture it happening so well and because the Jesus in her dream did the exact opposite of what his true character is.
Anyways, my aunt got really creeped out too and eventually spoke to a Christian mystic about it. They told her it was an attack from Satan. She had become very threatening to him, being all fervent about God so it was him who smacked her back and then gave her the terrifying dream. It was all to get her to stop studying the Bible and trusting Jesus. And he was right about feeling threatened. Eventually it was through my aunt that my uncles, other aunts and my grandparents got saved here in Korea.

korea cont'd 2

I visited the Hongdae area in Seoul and hoped to see a local metal show or at least some sort of hard rock but I was disappointed. I only got to see some mediocre pop-punk bands and I couldn't even stay for half an hour because they pumped up the volume so much anyway. It was worse than a stadium concert even though the venue was tiny! It was so bad that even for such a short exposure time to the noise, I still have ringing in my ears a day later. I learned my lesson: either just leave or use earplugs because it's just not worth it to lose my hearing.
After that I had a wonderful experience drinking with my cousin and her best friend. Somehow I always end up talking about God when I drink. I think it's because the people I talk with are more open to different subjects of conversation when tipsy so it's easier for me to talk about what I care about most (of course not if they're drunk). It's like some bizarre form of ministry! Anyhow, they both told me about how they had their hearts broken by guys they really loved and in desperation turned to the Lord and learned so much about themselves and having an identity in Christ, not in Disneyfied relationships. Wow what great news! Now they go to church every week and really love to listen to the sermons! It was wonderful to celebrate their newfound faith and to encourage them with some lessons I've learned. No matter how hard or dark life gets, God will bring renewal! Obviously, I was encouraged myself as well. I was also amazed at how humble they became. It's such a change from how they were self-confident, 'perfect' members of society who thought they could get whatever they wanted. Talking to them made me realize that my decision to give priority to God over human relationships was indeed the right choice and that I really am slowly reaping the spiritual benefits. I felt the Holy Spirit being able to use me in my words and give me godly love for them, if just for a moment. I wonder if it's a glimpse of what's to come, after this dark period of my life finally ends. Having that conversation has made it worth it for me to be out here on this trip. Praise God!

korea cont'd

I'll start with the stupid crappy stuff first. The culture is so different here that I can't gauge how people react to me. For example, I have no idea if my relatives really enjoy us being here or if they find it a hassle to have to organize and plan things for us since we don't know korean. Or, with strangers on the street, in cafes or whatever I can't tell if they stare at me because of my blue hair etc and what they think; if I look unique in a good way or just plain ugly. Normally at home I just don't really care what people think of how I look but here I feel so clueless as to people's reactions to me and everybody cares alot more about looks here so I feel more pressure. Basically, I feel ugly and stupid and uninteresting here. I guess urban life in korea brings out some insecurities. Everybody is so much prettier here, so clever/smart (Asian genes and the neccesity to compete with others and crazy school system I think is why) and talkative and witty of which I am the opposite. I just don't have that much to say to people, I don't know how to be funny (I'm the one who laughs, not jokes) and I'm not loud so I hardly command any attention since everybody else is so loud while socializing and I'm terrible at logic. All of which is very unkorean. And I feel like everybody looks down on me for it. I know this all sounds whiny and stupid and self-centered. In the end, I shouldn't be feeling this way. My self-worth should come from God, not other people but I find it so hard to put into practice. I feel like I have no proper foundation, I'm just buffeted from one gust of wind of opinion to another. I realize now I used to get self-worth from boyfriends but now that I have given up relationships for God I feel so lost and alone. It's so frustrating because I know I shouldn't feel so lost with God loving me and such. This is all just so stupid. And I miss my friends. Sometimes I just hate visiting here.

Now the better things. I just saw Clazziquai in concert and it was amazing. The dance music was catchy (I don't usually think that so I think they are very good), the singing was great and the stage effects were awesome. It was a big production with lotsa lights, computer graphics, confetti and a Milky Way on the ceiling. Very dramatic. What was also interesting is that koreans feel they must have these coloured light sticks to wave around any time they attend a concert. My cousin insisted it's a must-have or else it's not as fun.
We also traveled to the countryside that's popular for skiing and it was beautiful there. You just see rows and rows of rolling mountains that fade all the way to the horizon...

some positive things about korea

The positive thing about Korea I take most advantage of is the shopping. I've already gone on two shopping sprees! There is just a crazy number of stores in the main shopping areas and you can really find anything in terms of trendy clothing. In fact, it's so trendy that I even like it. Everything just looks so nice so I already got two dresses and two more pairs of shoes. Plus, the prices can be very reasonable but still decent quality.
Anyway, my aunt seems determined to convince me that Korea's great and she took me to a very large park in the suburbs around 10pm and there was still lots of people about. There's always people around all night and it's nice to walk in parks at night since it's cooler than the day. That's the culture here so it's never dangerous to be in parks at night, there's communal exercise equipment and families even have picnics at night by ordering from restaurants to right where they are in the park and will even sleep overnight there under the open sky on a mat. That's pretty neat I think. In general, crime rates are low so you hardly feel threatened at almost any hour of the day.
Restaurants are great here too. there isn't really such a thing as a bad restaurant in Korea, there's just too much competition to be lousy and the service is amazing. Well, mostly in terms of speed including if you order out. It's kinda crazy, I don't know how they're so fast!

day 3 in korea

What a trip it was to get here! Our plane was delayed so in total it took 26 hours of flying and waiting.
To be honest my trip hasn't started off that well but certain people tell me this trip is a gift from God so I'm sure it'll get better. I just kind of feel lonely since I don't know that many people here and I'm not comfortable enough in korean to properly communicate with others. But we have activities planned and I'll see some friends so yeah.
I went to an english service today at a massive church (whose yearly budget is 12 million dollars, the minister boasted) and it was ok, very korean. The minister emphasized competition and following the simple rule that God will provide all your needs if you generously give to others and Him. The budget boasting came from him comparing his church and others and saying that because they give more than other churches, they have grown more. It's true in a sense and it's indeed very Christ-like to give but the competitive tilt to his message irked me a little. But maybe I just need to give more and that's why it irks me. It's just such a type A personality way of seeing the Gospel. And then I wonder why I'm not like that. I have a feeling maybe I was but then I just gave up trying to be the best at whatever. I guess I wish I had more ambition or willpower or competitiveness like my fellow koreans but instead I'm the opposite and completely broken but that's the way God wants me perhaps...
I went through another episode yesterday and an interesting question came to mind, does God think about me all the time? If not, how often? Somehow it's hard for me to believe He does, or if anyone does really. Bleh, I sound so whiny.
On a non-whiny note it turns out Clazziquai (a decent korean dance/trip-hopish group) is having a concert and my brother loves them so we're going. It'll be neat to be at a big concert here in korea. I've only been to a medium sized punk show here many years ago. Of course, I would prefer to see a metal show but the closest thing is NIN and Limp Bizkit (I'm surprised they're still around!) and I've seen both already and it just passed anyway. Maybe there's some small local metal shows going on around hongdae area...

back from New Brunswick, off to Korea

I just spent about a week in NB to visit family and it was good. I was happy to see my grandparents and for the first time we had a family church service in my aunt's house where my grandpa preached about the basics of Christianity. It was quite touching at the end because he explained why he was preaching: he knows he is near the end of his life and will go to heaven but his heart would be broken if he didn't meet all of us there eventually. It was a plea to make sure we would all accept Christ's gift and be reunited in heaven.
The basics I found most useful for myself are the 5 reasons Christ came to earth:
1. To save us from sin
2. To represent God in the flesh/show God to us
3. To experience for himself human suffering and how miserable it can be
4. To be the example of how we should live out our lives
5. To spread the Good News

And God's nature:
-Omnipotent
-Omniscient
-Omnipresent
-Eternal
-Immutable
-Absolute love, goodness, holiness

These were good reminders for myself but he did it mainly for those few relatives who have strayed from faith. This lack of faith has resulted in my 10 year old cousin having no knowledge of what church is for or what being Christian means so I ended up explaining to her as simply as possible everything! Then at church, she randomly took my journal and wrote her first prayer to God and it's so cute I'll cherish it forever! I hope she doesn't mind if I post it here:

Thank you for a good Earth and a brain. And food, books and a whole lot of things.
Good Bye!
P.S Nice talking to you

I pray that she would have more Christian people in her life who can guide her and help her accept Christ's free gift. Same thing for her mother too who seems to be disillusioned by the Catholic church and has turned to New Age concepts instead.

Now I'm preparing to go to Korea for a month starting in 3 days! Geez, so much traveling this summer... Anyways I hope I can learn more about the country and culture and society without being judgmental as I usually am. Frankly I find Korean people in Korea are nosy, rude, extremely conformist, close-minded, prejudiced against the 'other', vain, superficial and overly ambitious/competitive towards fellow Koreans and I hate it all so much. But I realize I am being closed-minded and stereotyping them myself plus my mom loved being there so much so obviously I've been missing something everytime I visit. So my mission is to find good things about Korea and it's people and be more at peace with my ancestral origins. And hang out with friends and go shopping. I'll keep posting from there.