korea cont'd

I'll start with the stupid crappy stuff first. The culture is so different here that I can't gauge how people react to me. For example, I have no idea if my relatives really enjoy us being here or if they find it a hassle to have to organize and plan things for us since we don't know korean. Or, with strangers on the street, in cafes or whatever I can't tell if they stare at me because of my blue hair etc and what they think; if I look unique in a good way or just plain ugly. Normally at home I just don't really care what people think of how I look but here I feel so clueless as to people's reactions to me and everybody cares alot more about looks here so I feel more pressure. Basically, I feel ugly and stupid and uninteresting here. I guess urban life in korea brings out some insecurities. Everybody is so much prettier here, so clever/smart (Asian genes and the neccesity to compete with others and crazy school system I think is why) and talkative and witty of which I am the opposite. I just don't have that much to say to people, I don't know how to be funny (I'm the one who laughs, not jokes) and I'm not loud so I hardly command any attention since everybody else is so loud while socializing and I'm terrible at logic. All of which is very unkorean. And I feel like everybody looks down on me for it. I know this all sounds whiny and stupid and self-centered. In the end, I shouldn't be feeling this way. My self-worth should come from God, not other people but I find it so hard to put into practice. I feel like I have no proper foundation, I'm just buffeted from one gust of wind of opinion to another. I realize now I used to get self-worth from boyfriends but now that I have given up relationships for God I feel so lost and alone. It's so frustrating because I know I shouldn't feel so lost with God loving me and such. This is all just so stupid. And I miss my friends. Sometimes I just hate visiting here.

Now the better things. I just saw Clazziquai in concert and it was amazing. The dance music was catchy (I don't usually think that so I think they are very good), the singing was great and the stage effects were awesome. It was a big production with lotsa lights, computer graphics, confetti and a Milky Way on the ceiling. Very dramatic. What was also interesting is that koreans feel they must have these coloured light sticks to wave around any time they attend a concert. My cousin insisted it's a must-have or else it's not as fun.
We also traveled to the countryside that's popular for skiing and it was beautiful there. You just see rows and rows of rolling mountains that fade all the way to the horizon...