A little more info on Omen from Antestor

So if you didn't know already, Antestor has been posting teasers from their album on their facebook page and they just posted the last one. They also said the album doesn't have a release date yet but it will be available through Bombworks records and Nordic Mission. I hope they make it easy to buy because none of their other albums are and it's frustrating!

so clearly I'm tired

I overreacted to facebook because I'm still burnt out and tired from yesterday. I did too much in one day considering how much I'm recovering from. I saw my psychologist in the morning, saw my pastor, then saw a friend and did some shopping, then went to Bible study group in the evening and didn't get to my bf's place till midnight. Then I had group therapy this morning and I couldn't make it I was so tired, and I didn't go to the studio either like I had planned. So I'm pretty unhappy about how I wasted the most beautiful day of the season so far here in Montreal.

Fucking facebook

I'm gonna sound pretty petty and insecure now but I've got BPD OK? I fucking hate the home section on facebook! There's friends getting good jobs or going to crazy places, having more of a life than I've had in years. Then there's the friends that say they're friends but talk to you only for bit and then don't write back or respond to your calls anymore but they're chillin' on facebook and having dinners and partying together without you. Then there's all the activity of friends that have stopped talking to you entirely and never want to have anything to do with you ever again. Well sooorry for getting ill and becoming such a fucking burden. Then there's those who post about tragic things happening to them and they get so much support and empathy from so many friends and I've been in and out of hospitals for 3 years and almost died 5 times. Can anyone still empathize and give a crap? Apparently that's too much or something or I'm just not popular enough for people to at least care on vain facebook. Really the solution is to stop going on the home page at all. But even if I do, all this crap will still be happening behind my back!! I know this all sounds like self-pitying drivel, and it is. I'm immature, petty and want attention, if only because I've been so unwell in the past. Happy now?

if only I lived in Europe/Halloween

Even if only to see Antestor and several metalfests! Arg! Instead I'm across the ocean. So apparently Antestor are gonna play in the Netherlands Nov.3rd and then Germany in Blast of Eternity Nov.10th. I need to find out more about this Blast of Eternity thing. Looks like a Christian metal fest?? I dunno, I'll find out and post more later. Could be good for finding new bands to listen to.

I know I'm not really supposed to but I figure small amounts of Cradle of Filth and Dimmu Borgir are ok to ring in the Halloween season which is my favorite holiday. Unfortunately I'm used to getting smashed and crazy high every Halloween at costume parties, so being sober now I was getting depressed about no more partying. I managed to speak up at my Marijuana Anonymous meeting about it and they said there's a sober Halloween party this weekend organized by Narcotics Anonymous. Wow that will be a different experience! So I'll be a pirate and my bf will be Jesus. He really looks like the stereotypical Jesus with his long hair down. Hopefully a friend or two of mine can come along too though I'm not sure who would willingly forgo intoxication if they're not addicts on Halloween weekend. Want to know what happened last year at Halloween? I went to a high school friend's party at his appartment, met some new people, including my future bf, drank and smoked up so much that I had to go to the bathroom to snort some lines of blow to counteract everything I took because the room was spinning so fast, but I took too much of everything and didn't have enough blow to counteract it all so when someone opened the door to the bathroom, I was leaning on it and fell to the floor because I couldn't stand on my own. I got dragged to a couch where I thought I was gonna die it felt so horrible to be too drunk and high at the same time. I kept calling for an ambulance but nobody could hear me over the music. Eventually I felt better then partied some more and chatted with my future bf again. Crazy, I never want to be that intoxicated ever again. Then, on actual Halloween day, I went trick-or-treating with a friend. Her costume covered her face and I look really young for my age so we got away with being way too old to trick-or-treat but before we went out, we smoked up, took magic mushrooms and I had a few lines of blow. The decorations of the houses looked really pretty then! But yikes, it was always overkill for me. I can't believe how many drugs I would mix on a daily basis.

RIP Amanda Todd

Her story was so sad it brought me down terribly for days. First it was shocking to see just how horrible and even more hurtful cyberbullying can be. When I was 12, it just wasn't possible for someone to get a video of a girl's breasts and threaten her with it and find out all her friends and family and send it to them all. God that is just devastating, especially since girls get routinely bullied in real life high schools for seeming slutty or being 'whores' and sleeping around. Why guys don't get the same treatment is proof of how stupid a reason it is to be abused. She got beaten by crowds of people at school, changed cities but it followed her everywhere since her breasts were posted on facebook. But then to hear of how she fell into major depression, anxiety disorder, substance abuse and cutting herself along with 2 suicide attempts, no 15 year old should have to deal with such heavy psychological problems. I suffered the same disorders but they started when I was 23, and still it was devastating and I nearly died several times, so no wonder she did finally die from suicide just a couple weeks ago. But it didn't have to happen. I think the internet is desensitizing people in how they treat others. Bullying is getting worse as a result so it's got to be treated differently now. Even on her memorial facebook page people still insult her, calling her an attention whore and such. These people are ignorant biggots. They're the same people who think self-harming is just for the attention, and call cutters emo whores. Well have I got news for you people. It's a way to deal with overwhelming psychological pain, and even if it is for the attention, how is that something to make fun of? If someone is drowning in the sea and they call for help, would you still laugh at them and call them attention whores? Self-harm comes from suffering serious mental health problems, you don't laugh at someone suffering from a heart attack because of heart disease do you? So how about similar respect for mental illnesses?

New Antestor album!!!

They announced it on facebook, their new album is coming out really soon and it's called Omen!! They also released a teaser of some of the songs but it's so short it's hard to tell really how it will be like. I'm just excited they're still making new albums and will try to buy it asap!
About Antestor tabs, as I've just mentioned I've been really busy with just life, so it'll be a while till I release any new tabs. Meanwhile, enjoy the ones I've got and if the links don't work, tell me. I'm too lazy for now to see for myself.

suddenly so busy!

Haven't written here for a while precisely because of the title. It's quite the shock to my system. I went from doing absolutely nothing but getting drugs or getting high to going to school 3 times a week, going to church, group therapy once a week, individual therapy once a week, seeing my pastor one on one, going to the printmaking studio at least once a week, Marijuana Anonymous every Monday, seeing the occasional friend or the bf and keeping up with homework. Whew it is starting to wear me down. I know most people do way more than all those things but I'm still very fragile after all I've been through. I thought I would feel better after the midterms were done with, afterall I got 87% in intro to psychology and 91% in biology. But I still feel run down. I did some deep breathing for 15 minutes today to try to get some relaxation relief and prayed to God twice today but still, they only helped a bit. But I have the car today so I'll still push myself to go to Bible study group where I've met alot of nice people. I only met them once though and I wonder if they can handle the heavy duty crap I've been through... It's so hard now to meet new people. I've lost so many friends because I was in crisis for so long and they either didn't know what to do or how to help or felt disgust at my drug usage and self-harming behaviours. I've been abandoned by alot of people I thought were true friends. Now I'm still bitter and angry but I guess that's just human nature for you. When someone suddenly needs more than you're comfortable with, you leave. Now I'm cautious to the point of paranoia when I meet new people.
Anyways, life is still better than what it was before rehab and the hospital and all that. I just hope I can keep it all up.