suddenly so busy!

Haven't written here for a while precisely because of the title. It's quite the shock to my system. I went from doing absolutely nothing but getting drugs or getting high to going to school 3 times a week, going to church, group therapy once a week, individual therapy once a week, seeing my pastor one on one, going to the printmaking studio at least once a week, Marijuana Anonymous every Monday, seeing the occasional friend or the bf and keeping up with homework. Whew it is starting to wear me down. I know most people do way more than all those things but I'm still very fragile after all I've been through. I thought I would feel better after the midterms were done with, afterall I got 87% in intro to psychology and 91% in biology. But I still feel run down. I did some deep breathing for 15 minutes today to try to get some relaxation relief and prayed to God twice today but still, they only helped a bit. But I have the car today so I'll still push myself to go to Bible study group where I've met alot of nice people. I only met them once though and I wonder if they can handle the heavy duty crap I've been through... It's so hard now to meet new people. I've lost so many friends because I was in crisis for so long and they either didn't know what to do or how to help or felt disgust at my drug usage and self-harming behaviours. I've been abandoned by alot of people I thought were true friends. Now I'm still bitter and angry but I guess that's just human nature for you. When someone suddenly needs more than you're comfortable with, you leave. Now I'm cautious to the point of paranoia when I meet new people.
Anyways, life is still better than what it was before rehab and the hospital and all that. I just hope I can keep it all up.