Up and Down

Ok the first thing I must say is, Alestorm and Suid'Akra tonight!!!!! Eeeee! I have to make sure I'm drinking a beer when they play Nancy's Harbour Cafe and Wenches & Meat.

Last week started pretty well. For the first time in forever I went to all my classes and did plenty of work for all of them. My pastor, counsellor and doctor all said I seemed better and I figured it was because I finally understood what the main root of my problems is. Something like how God's Word says the truth will set you free. I became cautiously optomistic and figured that my worst episodes of extreme desperation were over and it must be all uphill from here.

Oh why do we have the tendency to think things in general always progress in a linear fashion?
I still have no idea why but on Thursday I had a terrible episode that spread to parts of the weekend. And I still don't know the best way to deal with it. It seems I have to do something destructive and then it feels better which I think is different from before. Other than calling certain people should/if it happens again, I think my best bet is to make a mini fire pit (like a bowl or something) and just burn stuff and watch the flames. Of course, my counsellor doesn't quite approve of this but aside from a little pollution I think it's harmless. It's sort of an old tendency from when I was a teen that has come back again but it's oddly soothing to just watch a fire and I think it's a good temporary solution compared to other options.
But this new destructive desire certainly worries me (especially if it grows) and I'm glad I'm going to get referred to a psychiatrist. I hate fearing I may be losing my mind.