deeper into the Relationship

Today I finally took time apart to spend with God in prayer and listening to Him in meditation and it was soo good as usual. I haven't been doing this in a while and I'm not sure why except maybe simple forgetfulness and laziness. I still felt close to Him but I wasn't putting in the time to properly be with Him with no distractions. I was able to pray a little bit at a time all throughout the day, mainly being thankful but that was it. It's still important to stay connected to God throughout the day but you need both constant awareness of Him and time set apart with Him alone. And after years of avoiding reading the Bible by myself, I find I am seeing the Word with new eyes. I avoided it so much because in my dark times and the shitty mindset I was in, I could read nothing but condemnation in the Bible. Any time I opened it up, all I saw was God's intolerant holiness, I could see no love and only felt more discouraged and down on myself afterwards. Now I see so much more, especially God's providence and incredible love. Yes He is perfection and holy, untouchable. Yet He stoops down to love us and care for us in our daily lives and in every moment we exist. This huge contrast still blows my mind and it's hard to picture someone who is both perfectly holy and loving but I trust God's nature now. He created me for a reason and I live for Him now. If I could have my way and He didn't care about anybody or didn't exist, I would gladly take my life. I'm too sensitive for this harsh world but apparently He'll use that too for His glory one day. Certainly being sensitive will help me to help others in the future.