facts on addiction

I wrote this for my intro to psych course and figured it should be here too. Too bad it depresses me though. So much more has to be done in the fight against addiction.

The APA has an article called “Cognition is central to drug addiction” which further explains what the textbook mentions about people with pre-frontal lobe damage behaving similarly to substance-dependent people. They talked about a study that used a gambling experiment on drug users and a control group. About a third of the drug users behaved the same as the control group, another 25% behaved exactly as patients with frontal lobe damage and a full 40% were hyper-sensitive to any rewards, whether short or long-term. The researcher in charge sees the differences as different vulnerability levels to addiction. The first two groups can benefit from some kind of addiction treatment but the last one would probably have a very hard time stopping using due to severe decision-making impairments. Another related fact they found was that craving for cocaine wasn't linked to heightened activity in the reward center of the brain but in fact was linked to activity in the areas of the frontal cortex that regulate decision-making and motivation. This information explains why some people can use drugs but not get addicted and others get so addicted that they never stop and eventually die from it. In twelve-step meetings they acknowledge this effect and mention that there are some unfortunate people who, for whatever reason, just can't stop no matter how much help they get.

I find the stats from the study very sad and they confirm what I learned in rehab, only 10% of addicts try to get help. The number of those who actually recover must be even smaller. I met an alcoholic at rehab who I think is clearly in the last group. He's relapsed many many times, including twice since I met him and his liver is dying. He wanted so bad to stop, he suffered so many horrible things because of alcohol intoxication. Now I don't know if he's alive or dead. What can be done for the 40% who seem doomed to be forever addicted? I suppose harm reduction approaches are the best for them for now.

http://www.apa.org/monitor/jun01/cogcentral.aspx

To my newspaper about BPD and Ashley Smith

Hi Christie,

I enjoy reading the Gazette, especially its articles pertaining to mental health. I think your opinion in "How could the Smith case happen in 'good' Canada" was pretty easy to agree with and I'm glad you are bringing her case attention in the Gazette. It is outrageous how she was treated, especially given her mental illness. Even a mentally healthy person subjugated to that much forced isolation would go crazy. She needed to be treated by professionals, not treated as a simple criminal and in a psychiatric ward, not in jail. At the very least she should have been in something like Pinel which happens to be both a mental hospital and prison for the criminally ill. 

There was one thing about your article that bothered me. You portray those with Borderline Personality Disorder as people who are desperate for attention to the point of purposely creating chaos for those around them. You also state it is one of the hardest psychiatric disorders to treat. As one who also suffers from BPD, I can tell you these opinions are clearly from an outsider's perspective and it stereotypes the most negatively stereotyped mental illness. You didn't say anything about how it feels to have BPD. Imagine being strapped into an extreme rollercoaster and never being able to get out. This is what everyday feels like because every little thing affects you emotionally. We're highly sensitive people and the smallest trouble can make you feel like life is just too much to bear. Marsha Linehan, an expert on BPD, calls this having your skin turned inside out. Also, BPD is often caused by childhood trauma so you have a past that haunts you and tells you no one can love you. And you can't love yourself because you don't know who you are. The inside of you feels like a black hole, nothing there. So obviously you rarely feel ok. What do people do when they are suffering, especially this severely? They try to get help, draw attention to themselves. People with BPD are not selfish and malicious, we are suffering deeply and reach out for help or express our pain by behaving recklessly and hurting ourselves in a myriad of ways. BPD has the reputation of being hard to treat only because these characteristics of BPD make it hard to respond to traditional treatment. Linehan created DBT, a therapy specifically for BPD but which also helps addiction, eating disorders and more. BPD also requires years of therapy, something not alot of professionals want to commit to. So please, don't create more negativity around BPD than there already is because it is in fact very treatable but also hard to understand from the outside which has created many misconceptions. Especially that we crave attention and do things to ourselves on purpose just for the attention. It is an outward expression of the intense suffering inside, not a simple ploy for attention. I hope I've shown you a more understanding and humane view of BPD, something even most health professionals do not have.

testimony

A couple weeks ago our church decided to shake things up a little and have people share what happened to them in the past year that they were thankful about instead of the usual sermon. This was because our pastor had the flu and spent the night before and the night before that just throwing up. I didn't know about this beforehand and just showed up like everyone else. During the singing he turned around and said, "would you like to share your testimony? For about 10 minutes? Sorry this is so last minute." Frankly, I've sometimes fantasized what it would be like to share my crazy personal story in front of my church but I also pictured having time to prepare. But it felt like God was telling me to go ahead so I said yes. I spent about 15 minutes sharing what happened to me in summary form over the past 4 years and I was so nervous I was shaking and tearing up the whole time. But I just went with the Lord and spoke and I was never at a loss for words. I started with the fact that I'm a recovering addict with mental illness. And I described a bit the hell I went through, the suicide attempts, being in the psych ward 5 times, having to be high at all times and what it took to get better. I ended with the statement that I live for God now. I should have died many times but I'm not thanks to God. And He's kept me alive to help others so that's what I live for now. I still have BPD so if there was no God or He didn't care, I would gladly kill myself because nothing is worth the suffering of living. But God is there and has a purpose for me, so that's what I live for now. My life is not really my life, it's God's to use as He pleases. I heard amens and sounds of agreement when I said this and everyone clapped at the end. Then people came to me and thanked me for sharing my story and said how inspiring I was to them. One even said to me he gave up drugs too when he became Christian. Everyone said I expressed myself well and wow, it felt good to tell everyone. No more hiding or feeling ashamed of what is a huge part of me and my experience.
I asked my brother how he thought it went. And he pointed out that I did actually have practice over the holidays with my grandparents and cousin. The most rewarding moment of the holidays was finally telling my grandparents thank you for coming over when I was in the hospital to help around the house and always praying for me and getting to tell them what happened to me over the years. I told them pretty much everything, that I did cocaine, grew magic mushrooms, stole my dad's money for everything and was completely trapped by addiction, always having to be high. I told them about BPD and how it got worse with all the smoking up and drugging I did and how it feels to be constantly suicidal. Then I told them how I got better by being in the psych ward, then going straight to rehab and doing group and individual therapy along with God's support the whole way through and how I got an A+ in biology. By the end of my testimony, my usually stoic grandparents were in tears and said how proud they were of me. I'll never forget that day when I could honestly share everything with them. They were shocked, saddened and then delighted. I've never felt so close to them and I'm so thankful they're happy and proud of me.

Happy Belated new years!

Wow I've been busy! Time flies when you're having fun or studying. I can't believe how normal my life has become. I feel so much better it's a crazy miracle every morning I wake up and feel ready to do what I have to do. I thank God from the bottom of my heart every day. The holidays were really great. I got to have a heart to heart with my grandparents and a cousin, hung out with friends more. I went to my bf's family Christmas party with 45 ppl which was kinda overwhelming but still nice and a quiet new years eve at my cousins' place with two of her friends and some beers. Life's been good. I can't believe I can say that now. I'll elaborate more on some of these things in my next post. I'm back in school now, continuing intro to psych and now starting algebra. I was scared of it but they really start at the beginning of math in general so I've been able to follow thus far. It's really a class for people who suck at math haha. My intro to psych professor  really likes me now, considers me one of the top students. I've been getting As for all the midterms and I just got an A+ on the last one! 

Remember I said I would start drinking once in a while and see how that goes? Well I've learned more about myself that's for sure. I can have just one or two beers if I'm just at a pub with my bf or one other friend, but if it's a party or party atmosphere like at a club, I consistently overdo it. At the last bday party at a club I went to, I said I would only have one but had more like 6 and by the time I got to my bf's house, I puked twice. Most unpleasant but in the moment when you're having fun, you figure you can have just one more and then just one more etc... And thinking about it, I could see this getting really bad. So, no drinking at all if it's a party atmosphere. Only one on one in restaurants or at home or at a low-key pub. I'll see if that works, and if I still break my limits, I'm just going to go dry at all times. I've already proven to myself I don't need substances to have fun. I don't NEED alcohol to have fun or have it be in my life in general. So here goes. There will be a karaoke bday party and I'm telling myself now, no drinks that night at all.