9 months!

9 months clean from all street drugs wooo! I never thought I would make it this far. I had a few close calls, including one where I called my old middleman to get weed but didn't end up getting it thank God, but here I am. And I sincerely thank God. He's been protecting me the whole time from irresistibly tempting situations and even keeping me from getting what I wanted when I couldn't take it anymore. No one's randomly offered me a joint or dropped drugs in front of me which has both happened to other recovering addicts I know at Marijuana Anonymous. One of them slipped because of it. I also thank myself for being so strong in the face of such a deadly disease as addiction is and doing what I knew I had to do to stay sober, staying away from certain people and keeping busy and going to therapy regularly and being open and honest with professionals who try to help me. Being an active addict is now like a bad nightmare. I can't believe I couldn't stand a moment of sobriety before. And I can't believe being sober is now my normal again. I can't believe I can do school now, be a member of an art studio and go out and generally do things again. I'll be thankful for that ability for the rest of my life. I still get tempted sometimes to just have one joint, one line, one pill... but I know where it will lead me and I don't want to go there. I don't want my BPD to get worse, I don't want to be suicidal anymore, I don't want to end up in the ER and the psych ward, all just because I tried that one hit and it led to another and another. I'm taking better care of myself now. It's been incredibly hard to reach that point and sometimes I fall back into self-destruction, but I still stayed clean this long (minus the occasional drink) and I pray it continues.