In and out of the psych ward again

This must be the sixth or seventh time now. Spent 2.5 weeks in the hospital and just got discharged yesterday. I can't believe I ended up in there again even though I've been clean from drugs almost 9 months now. I guess my BPD is pretty bad on its own. It got triggered again by my mom's bday which was in late February. I tried my absolute best to handle it well. I stayed busy, hung out with friends, sang a bunch of songs, did homework but I still steadily got more and more emotionally unstable. I even had my pastor visit me on the day of her bday but it didn't help enough. The urges to hurt myself got stronger and stronger until I just couldn't take it anymore. I chugged some wine and tossed a bunch of my meds in my mouth but my bf and brother were there and my bf tried to get me to spit it all out. I was so conflicted between the urge to hurt myself and trying to fight it off that I stalled for a long time. By the time I did spit out what was in my mouth, half the pills already dissolved into my mouth. Then I tried grabbing a knife but they stopped me, called Poison Control and took me to the hospital where I physically recovered but then I started banging my head and punching myself so my arms were tied down. I saw the ER psychiatrist and I was ready to argue with him how serious BPD can be but he completely disarmed me by immediately agreeing I should go upstairs to the psychiatric ward. He was really nice. So in 2 days I got transferred there and the first couple of days were really hard. I still had bad urges to hurt myself. I ended up in the isolation room twice and got completely strapped down, arms, legs and waist once. But after a few days the urges got smaller and smaller and I stopped hurting myself. But I was still emotionally fragile for a while. My bf's mom wrote me a letter out of loving concern and that set me off again since it mentioned my mom but by the next day I was ok. I got a very nice psychiatrist to work with and she gave me the time to recover and get stronger again. I think my psychologist did a good job teaching the staff about BPD.
I saw a lot of familiar faces staying there with me, a lot of us mental patients seem to cycle in and out of that place. There were only a handful I didn't know already from previous stays. I feel a lot better now, time to get back to reality and try to salvage my semester. Already did some math homework today.