about relationships...

Been working through the freedom from depression workbook and it says I have a dependent personality. Meaning my moods are too dependent on the actions of those around me. Which is odd because I've always seen myself as a sort of loner, always keeping my distance from groups of people and therefore dealing with myself independently. I've never felt I had real best friends, not that I've been hurt, just never really got that close to people who had the time to spend. But now that I think about it, I've always had someone to depend on until recently. In elementary school I had my group of popular friends until I purposely distanced myself from them, then in my teen years my mom became my best friend: we talked about everything together and she knew everything about me, even if I tried to hide anything. Then when she went off to Korea to get treatment, my guitar teacher took care of me, even to a creepy extent. And I took it for granted that he watched out for me so much and wanting me to use my musical abilities to a fuller extent, while I just saw a creepy old man telling me he loved me. I still don't know who he was exactly to me. Anyways, after my mom passed away, it was a succession of boyfriends for 5 years until last November, when I decided being so dependent on boyfriends was unhealthy so I permanently broke off contact with one of them and then fell into all this depression crap. I miss them all so much. I guess I have a dependent personality afterall. With friends who don't have the time (I don't blame them) and a dad who also doesn't have the time or energy or wherewithal (I blame him abit), I'm alone and failing. I wish I was strong and independent as I thought I was. Now I just regret everything and I'm starting to sound whiny again so I'll stop here.