accept and surrender

Another important message from above: accept and surrender. It's also repeated in all sorts of therapies including DBT which is to practice radical acceptance. Basically, life sometimes sucks so you have to just accept the bad times and not freak out and rail against what you can't accept. God is telling me to use this principle with myself and unexpected life situations. There's alot in me that I plain old just hate. But this self-condemnation doesn't get me anywhere but more down. Also, when I make plans and they don't turn out my way I tend to get overly stressed. I'm not a very flexible person though I'd like to think I am. So God is telling me to accept myself including the parts that bother me and accept reality even when it doesn't go my way. This all makes sense, I have to start somewhere to begin change which means acknowledging where I am now. But it's so hard for me to do. There's always the comparing and worrying if I measure up and doing the right thing so I'm accepted by others and always my mother's voice, haunting me from beyond the grave, always concluding that I'm not good enough for anything. And so, these are the things I must surrender and give up to God and let Christ carry the burden. If I don't, all that negativity will continue to crush me into the ground. But that's hard to do too, I feel like it's all branded into my mind and heart, an essential dark part of me. Which I guess brings me back to praying and spending time with God everyday so that I can more easily get into the habit of surrendering the negativity. I've been faltering a bit these days with keeping up the praying and meditating but I mustn't just give up, I've got to try try again to come to God. My life depends on it.

I'm off to New Brunswick tomorrow so I need to make sure I take at least 5 minutes everyday with God even at my relatives' house.