I forgive her..?

I meant to write about this a while ago. On the last night of my stay at the psych ward (the most recent stay), I got an important prayer answered. While feeling really crappy before I ended up in there the last time, I prayed to God desperately, please let me meet my mom somehow so that we can talk about what happened between us, then maybe I'll feel better. That's because I've been kicking myself ever since I realized I could have had my chance to have this talk when she told me before she died that she was sorry for being a bad mother. But my response was that she was the best mother ever. And I meant it because she was like a best friend or sister to me and I thought that was what a mother should be instead of a mother. I repressed everything she did to me when I was younger and thought it was all normal for mothers to do to their children. Plus, she was on her death bed, who wants to admit the person dying was a bad person sometimes?
Anyways, on that night I dreamt that I got to see my mom and I asked her, "Why did you treat me so badly when I was young? Why did you rage at me randomly and be nice other times again randomly? Why did you hate being my mom?"
And she said, "I'm sorry but I was going through a really hard time myself." Then we both said at the same time, "my psychologist thinks you/I had BPD too" then I woke up.
I've been trying hard to forgive my mom and I think it has been happening slowly and that dream helped a bit to keep that process going. I think I forgive her now. I know she wasn't purposely trying to hurt and confuse me, she did her best and didn't know any better and felt bad about it later on. Actually, she often got upset and said she was a bad mother but I didn't understand at the time and it only confused me. Now if only I can feel peace about it all and move on already.