school school school

I hate how life throws things at you all at once. Soon after getting out of the hospital, I caught a cold, had tons of school to catch up on and then my roommate says she got bedbugs. It was chaos here for a bit. I missed more school, our apartment got turned upside down because of the bedbugs and getting an exterminator to come and I'm still catching up in school. For a while I just wanted to give up and lie in bed forever. But that's all passed now mostly. I think we are bedbug free now, I've just been studying a lot. We got to hang out with friends for a bit too which was nice. I got to see my friend who just got out of the hospital for anorexia and she looks so much healthier which was really nice to see. Another friend celebrated officially becoming a woman after surgery and that was fun too. We went to a gay club and man it gets crazy in there. I almost feel too old to be in a place like that. Most of the people must've been high too. Now I have a midterm to do in a week, then a research paper and then a final exam. Then I'll be done this crazy semester! It's been so hard to catch up, I have hard courses this semester. I made sure next year I won't have it as bad in terms of courses but you never really know.
I guess the end of semester stress is getting to me though, I've had countless using dreams over the last two weeks and it's starting to drive me nuts. I haven't been able to go to church, small group or MA for a long time so maybe that's why. We're gonna go to the MA meeting this saturday for sure. I'm getting too tempted by my dreams. They mostly involve cocaine and marijuana. I have to keep telling myself that giving in and taking them will not help my situation at all and will only make it a lot worse. But there's that part of my brain that just doesn't seem to understand that, even after almost 2 years of abstinence. I can't believe how difficult addiction can be!