bad relapse

What an awful relapse I just had a couple days ago. I ended up in the hospital not even remembering what happened or how I got there. I am disappointed in myself. I got myself stuck in a bad downward spiral and then my mind just went out of control. It's so frustrating. And I missed my psychiatrist appointment so I have to reschedule. Now the same old worries float through my head. Maybe I'm just lazy and spoiled or maybe it's the opposite and I try too hard and should let God work in me more. I'm pretty sure the parental unit thinks it's the first option. I'm leaning more towards the second but that could just be my ego wishing it so. Anyways, I wasn't getting better for nothing. This time I know I better focus on God than my own wretched condition. Besides, through inner turmoil I seem to be better attuned to God's guidance in general. Perhaps all this will lead to more creative than destructive results.