I ended up in the psych ward again and just got out yesterday after a week and a half. I'm disappointed in myself and I had to be completely strapped down again but at least I feel better now. It's like I have to hit rock bottom to be jarred out of crappy thinking patterns that every once in a while seem to possess me. I know my mind is lying to me but I still can't help believing it because it feels truthful. I made a new friend and met up again with two girls I had been visiting. One of them is really not doing well, the place is driving her more nuts, so I pray for her.
It's just that the beginning of May is really not good for me since that's when my mother died and also there's Mother's Day. And, as I wrote before, I was using weed to slow down the progressively negative thoughts building up in my head but eventually I got too low to handle myself which coincided with the past crappy week.
But now I'm doing better. Not amazingly but I do have projects I want to work on which is good:
- read the Bible regularly as my pastor dictates in terms of how much and when
- I need to get ready for the art sale by putting together a website for my work and print out business cards...
- continue working on the song I'm writing
- continue making my dad and brother's lunches and driving my bro to the station
- practice some guitar technique
- walk to the cemetery and back twice a week
- visit the girls at the ward with guitar once a week
- paint more paintings
- eventually continue tabbing Antestor
Oh boy, I guess I'll see how it goes with all these things to do. I'm terrible at being consistent with anything but I've got to try.
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