I am having a pretty hard time. Alot of little things are bugging me and building up. It's just so frustrating that this is happening so soon after I got out of the hospital. It's only been 2 weeks but it feels like 2 months. I have to try harder to ask for help when I can't take it anymore instead of immediately doing something stupid. I can't even bring myself to write about what's troubling me the most because it's so upsetting at the moment. For now, the green stuff makes everything more bearable. I feel stupid even writing this much.
On a more interesting note, I have heard from friends that an aquaintance from the hospital who is very charming and fun to talk to has fallen into a schizophrenic episode. He believes ninjas are after him and bugged his place. He would stalk his girlfriend to make sure she didn't get attacked and spread salt and water all over his walls to keep them out. He's always armed with knives. He'll probably end up hospitalized again soon. It's hilarious and so sad at the same time. He'll never be able to consistently function in society even though he's otherwise intelligent and friendly.
Sometimes I see mental health articles in the newspaper and it's often about depression and how there shouldn't be any stigma surrounding mental illnesses in general. That's just wishful thinking. When you have a mental illness it means something's wrong in your brain and mind so of course you feel weaker and stupider than the average, healthy person. The simple fact is that it feels shameful to have a mental illness. When I tell some people that I have BPD and clinical depression I am admitting my worst flaws. I am admitting I have thoughts and actions that are the polar opposite to what I really want; that I'm lazy and sometimes cannot control myself or my thoughts to extreme levels.
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