despair/thankfulness

That's how I'm feeling right now. Boy, my last few entries have been pretty ridiculously emotional but you know, that's just what's always buzzing around my head. Everything's so damn intense! I got kicked out of the crisis center today because I still had joints when I went home on visits and continued self-harming behaviours. I'm just clinging on to what little endurance I have left until I see some lady from my dad's church who heals people and said God sent her to Montreal to heal someone so she wants to see if that's me. I don't know what to expect. I certainly do believe in miracles so we'll see. But apparently her english is pretty bad... Well anyway I don't know what else to do, got not much else to lose to keep trying. Or else it's off to the hospital again, and believe me, you do NOT want to be sober in a Quebec hospital ER. On a much more positive note, I am still reading the Bible everyday myself and certainly do feel closer to God than I have in many years.