another treatment center

I guess I go through cycles of feeling too worn out and wanting to give up and then picking myself up, by God's grace, to try try again. I think I'm somewhere in the middle these days. I've started at the addictions unit of a hospital downtown so I've got a new individual therapist lady I see once a week and a group session focused on reducing usage to nothing also once a week. The lady is nice but I don't really like the group so much. The man who leads it is lecture-y plus there's only 3 of us but one guy's been sober since November so he'll be changing groups soon and the other is going into the psych ward to detox and stop that way. Which might be a possibility for me too. Anyways, so I'm really the only person in the group. The group leader asked me to give up drinking for a week without smoking more to compensate so I tried that. But I just had to smoke more. The alcohol was helping me keep the smoking relatively low because it's another kind of high. But then St.Patrick's Day threw me off a bit but at least I'm not drinking everyday like I did for the previous 2 or so weeks. I want to be able to enjoy a drink with friends later in life and not slide into trouble. Maybe it's already too late for that hope but it's definitely too late with weed. I know there's plenty of people who smoke up a lot and see no reason to stop but it's different for me. The smoking takes over everything and becomes my number one priority and my main joy in life. It makes it hard to accomplish things/meet goals and obviously stunts my spiritual growth, takes away from my relationship with God and keeps my BPD from improving overall because I can't face it or work on it while high. I have to remind myself of these reasons all the time because I'm always in danger of seeing weed as my saviour. It's my instant happy pill, it fixes everything, makes life livable, turns reality from fear-inducing to fascinating, calms me down, keeps me going... you see what I mean.