I do forgive

I always knew from the Bible that forgiveness frees you when you do the forgiving, but it's something else to actually experience it. I'm 100% sure now that I have forgiven my mom. How? Because I feel so much more free! I feel free from the intensely poisonous anger I had against her, free from guilt associated with the anger and the past and free from the voices in my head that were her negative voice, putting me down all the time and driving me to self-destruction. I wasn't sure this would even happen, I thought maybe it would happen in 10 years but praise God it has happened this summer. I feel free from being traumatized by the past, unable to process it in any terms but anger. It's like I was stuck in the moment when someone bumps into you in the street, your initial reaction is an angry 'Hey!' but later you cool down and figure they were in a hurry or just didn't see you and you move on. Now I'm in the latter phase, cooled down, processing what happened and moving on. If it wasn't for God's intervention with the dream with my mom, I'm sure it would have taken 10 years more. I always knew from the Bible that we must forgive others as He has forgiven us but it was so hard and seemingly impossible. But with God, nothing's impossible! I feel really sorry for those people out there who hold grudges forever and hate forgiving people...
What's even more surprising is that it has spread to other people in my life that have hurt me or abandoned me in times of great need. I'm no longer angry at old friends who decided to stop hanging out with me or people who felt my problems were too great and stopped seeing me, or people who have said insensitive things to me. I certainly don't feel like I looove them but I do wish them well, and that's it. What a relief it is to be less bitter!
Also, I think this has helped my PTSD alot. Like I said, I don't feel quite so traumatized anymore. Things that remind me of my mom don't drive me crazy, only sad. My necklace of her wedding ring doesn't feel like it burns me anymore so now I can wear it again. It also boosts my notion that I probably won't cut myself anymore so I'm gonna get a tattoo over my scars with my mom's favorite flowers and my own in an Art Nouveau style around my lower arm and wrist. Here's a source photo for the tattoo.