anointed

I just went to a different church's Friday youth service that my brother had been going to and encountered God the Healer there. He spoke through the leader straight to me and it was a wonderful confirmation of what little faith I did have. The leader was moved to pray for me and speak with me, like God was expecting to meet me there at that moment. And I could finally feel God's love for me and was assured that He will indeed heal me and the leader prophesied what I had always innately felt; that God has a great purpose for me and my suffering and that's why Satan has been working so hard to destroy me. I've felt deeply called by God since I was 9 but I also started suffering psychologically and spiritually and by the time I was 13 I was acting out and clinically depressed, with occasional but scary hallucinations. That's why I have a tattoo of a gear on fire. It's me being purified by God's fire, there is a purpose to all my suffering and it's so nice to be reminded of that truth. I'm going to start attending this church and the Friday service regularly. Afterall my current pastor even admitted to me I need a more consistent congregation who can properly love me as brothers and sisters in Christ. I know the struggling isn't over yet but finally I can see some relief. The true solution is in sight and I know Jesus can heal me on a more fundamental level than any psychiatric ward, rehab or therapy program can. Of course that doesn't mean they're not useful or that I wont take advantage of them but they can't fill the God-shaped void inside. The leader anointed me with oil for healing but also for the future service I will do in God's name which is what I've always wanted for my life, even more than drugs.