white knuckling it

I got kicked out of the hospital 2 days ago, well not really but it felt like it. On Monday I overdosed on sleeping pills, prayed that I would find some peace in heaven but yet again I didn't die. I was allowed to take short outings from the ward so that's when I got the pills, took them all in a hospital bathroom and then went back to the ward to enjoy a last meal but my roommate noticed I looked ill, called a nurse over and then I woke up in the ICU. Apparently I fell in front of everybody and had a seizure and they had to call a code blue on me (when a patient goes into cardiac arrest I think). Soon after I was conscious again they released me back to the ward where they discharged me just 2 days later as planned. Yes I was admitted as a detox patient but now you're going to release me just as my psychiatric problems get worse? They're the reasons why I started doing drugs in the first place and now I'm supposed to stay clean by myself?! I'm still going to the Day program everyday but that's still only 2 hours of support everyday from 24 hours everyday. So now I feel like I'm white knuckling it, living as an addict without the substances and hating being sober. I already had 2 beers as soon as I got home because they were there and I couldn't help myself. This is the most insane struggle I've ever found myself in. I pray I didn't go through 2 and a half weeks of detox for nothing.