cleaning up

We actually get one hour of internet access each day so here I am writing from a psychiatric ward and this place is a hotel compared to the other psych ward I went 4 times to. There are still unstable people I have to deal with, like a lady who's really loud and steals other people's stuff all the time. I keep my music player and expensive headset around my neck at all times. I have a nice and quiet roommate and the staff are amazing. They don't seem to let anyone fall through the cracks. The nurses always make sure to know how you are doing and like to sit down and talk with you if you're upset. It wasn't always that way at the other ward, some were downright condescending and rude. But sometimes the days are long as I get used to being clean so I read the Bible more (finally) and I started a journal where I only write positive things that happened that day.
It's quite the battle though because I'm fighting my addiction and also the borderline personality crap that comes up when I'm sober. They've had to put me in the isolation room twice because I got too upset and self-destructive. Once it was because I couldn't deal with mourning for my friend who recently passed away from being an addict (couldn't deal much with it before since the drugs would take the pain away) and the other time was because it was Mother's Day and that morning my mom was in my dreams. The dream itself wasn't that negative but anytime she's in my dreams I get upset when I wake up and I'm in an emotionally vulnerable state withdrawing from weed right now. My first reaction when she appeared in my dream was oh shit. Everything has to be perfect because she's going to judge and criticize and yell at me, as if I was my childhood self again. But I had a lucid moment later and made up a sword because I knew enemies were coming and she silently approved of it. Maybe that's some sort of spiritual sign.