withdrew

I had a day last week when I said, "I'm not going to have anything today. Why should I? It's no big deal, I can do it." It was harder than I thought but I did it and went to bed mostly satisfied. Then I had an emotional nightmare I can't remember now and when I woke up I was in at least strong psychological and somewhat physical withdrawal. I felt like a shrivelled up prune and hollow inside. I felt ill like there was socks stuffed in my head and like I was lacking something inside. For the first time in a while I craved any sort of drug first thing I woke up in the morning and it was horrible. I had already insisted with myself that I would never have anything first thing in the morning anymore and realized it must be because I stayed clean the day before and only on my own meagre strength. And I hadn't been praying the past few days so I knew I had to pray asap. I prayed for God's strength and support and apologized for trying to do it by myself and He gave me a vision. I saw a huge tree reaching to the skies with pretty leaves and it had fruit that glowed brightly with different coloured light. And when you wanted it to it would fall and you easily catch and eat it. It was spiritual food and many animals would come to eat it too. I sat there and ate a whole bunch but then realized it would take time to digest, something I couldn't speed up no matter how many I had. I haven't had a clean day since but I'm still somewhat restraining myself.