a frustrating question answered

Sometimes when I'm high I actually get revelations, nuggets of wisdom for my current situations. This was one of those times. I was talking about my issues with my bf when I thought about how my intense emotions affect me, especially my mind and brain. And I immediately answered the question: why have I always had bad long-term memory and why do I remember and focus more on my negative memories than positive ones? This has frustrated me to no end all my life. Even when I was little, I felt like a goldfish. Always forgetting things, being disorganized, not keeping track of things. My elementary teachers thought I wasn't very smart and couldn't go to an enriched high school program. But I actually learned to use my good short-term memory to squeeze info last-minute and get good grades by the skin of my teeth. I have a bachelor's with distinction. But anyways, wow, I just realized, I must have been suffering psychological impairment from trauma with my mom abusing me and then getting cancer when I was 9. That's why I couldn't stay on top of things in school, why I couldn't speak up and ask questions, why I'd fall behind in my homework and couldn't focus for long. But my short-term memory saved my ass enough for me to pass ok.
Anyways, I became known to be somewhat ditzy by the time I got to high school, mostly forgetful. More recently, since my 3 year decent into hell, I noticed my mind just seems to stick to negative events more than positive ones. I figure this could be a symptom of clinical depression but I realized it can also be because they carry such intensity as emotionally traumatic events, that they burn into my memory more. It's the aspect of BPD that is similar to PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). I just remember details of traumatic events more than neutral or positive ones. So I guess the challenge is to fight the compulsion to focus on the source of pain and focus on the Ultimate Source of love.