the tables turned!

This made my past week rather dramatic. I planned to hang out with my friend who I met in the psych ward and catch up since I hadn't seen her in half a year. It was also important to do so because she was in the psych ward again since October and wasn't doing so well. The day came and she texted me to ask if a friend of hers could join us. I hesitated but tried to do the right thing and be inclusive and said ok but it didn't send because of a weak signal so I thought maybe I should cancel it and say I just want to see only her. But then the signal came back and it sent and my bro suggested it could be God saying just relax and go see them both. He ended up being right, I don't know what would have happened if I said no. Anyways, so I go pick up my friend from the hospital and drive to the friend's friend's house. We go to my friend's appartment and on the way we introduced ourselves and talked about our experiences at the hospital a bit. She told me she has BPD, bipolar disorder and psychosis. Whew, that's quite alot of labels we agreed. I told her I had BPD and ended up in the psych ward a few times but they won't take me in there anymore. She said she'd been there before but it didn't help. When we got to the apartment I caught up with my friend a bit and then her friend said, " I feel kinda sick". We asked if she was ok and she said, "I took 16 Tylenols. But whatever, it's not a big deal. Let's watch TV." We just froze for a bit and looked at each other... And so I had to use every trick and reason in the book to get her to go to the hospital because she did not want to go at all. I said I'll just call the crisis center, they can tell us what to do. They gave me the Poison Control center and they said her liver could get damaged and by onset of symptoms it could be too late so I said, "you could really regret losing your liver when you feel better which is strongly possible." She said her mom would kill her, and if she went to the hospital they would lock her up in the psych ward which she dreaded. I said, "What would you do if it was me or her in your situation? Would you just do nothing knowing we overdosed on something?" She said, "Yes. Because it's your right to do what you want with yourself. It's my right to do what I want!" I said "When you hurt yourself you're not just hurting yourself but also the people around you. I know it feels like nothing helps but the only place to get the right help is at the hospital so either come with us or I'll have to call 911 and they'll take you by ambulance." I braced for an emotional lash-out if she was severely borderline but she only got angry a bit. She stalled for time and finally I said, "I'm calling 911." She said, "OK stop being so dramatic! Geez!" And I lost a bit of patience and said, "who's the one being dramatic, taking 16 Tylenols!" Eep, not my best moment and somehow I got away with it because she didn't get angrier at me and let us drive her to the hospital and take her to the ER. My friend said she was so glad I was there and got her friend to go to the ER, she didn't know what to do herself. I was glad to help but I was traumatized by the experience. First of all, I felt so much stress and worry over the girl and how she would be doing, even though I just met her. And most of all, I felt so bad for causing all the stress and pain I was feeling on those around me, over and over again in the past. I felt quite a bit of distress over this relative stranger. Imagine how bad it must be for those close to me, like family and close friends, who had to drive me to hospitals, visit me in ERs and ICUs 7 times in the past 3 years. I can't believe how bad it is, it's not so far from how bad it is to be the one being suicidal. I feel so sorry and yet, with my mom's b-day coming up, the idea keeps getting entertained in my head once more as a way to deal with the seemingly never-ending pain. What a hypocrite I would be, to see the friend's friend in the ER because I'm there for the same thing...