Friday, October 4, 2013

So jealous (never saying jelly)

My brain has been obsessed with one thing mostly these days: being jealous of others. Constantly. It's really annoying. At first I just went along with it, totally believing myself. The most common one is, aw that girl is skinnier and/or prettier than me. Then there's others like, that person seems so much more sociable than me, more confident than me, seems smarter than me, more mentally stable than me, stronger than me, has more friends etc... And then there's facebook. It can get pretty bad with my newsfeed. Oh that person travels so much more than me, they already own a house and they're my age, they are so successful in the arts and I'm not, I hate that this person raised way more money than me for a cause, I hate how happy you look, I hate your awesome job and the negative thoughts go on and on. It was really bringing me down. Then I saw someone with stubs for legs on a wheelchair. And I realized how stupid all the negative chatter in my head is. Other people have it way worse and not just way better than me. And I have so much to be thankful for, I have been showered blesssings from the Lord. I know I am not ugly, I have all my limbs and I'm not overweight, I have friends, I am a strong person for getting through the things I've been through, I have good family who support me in many ways including financially, I'm sober and I'm able to do school etc... Now the trick is to get all these good things to sink in somehow so I stop being jealous. I know I have it better than alot of people and yet the lies about how I have it worse than others continue. I guess it's something that takes time to change. I think it has started to at least.

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