'Genie, you're free' - Rachel Evan Wood

Wow, a lot of people have been writing about mental illness now because of Robin Williams. And I feel I must join the party. Firstly, I'm happy to see so much awareness happening and articles talking about the fact that suicide is not cowardly etc... but I'm also sad that it takes a high profile death from mental illness for there to be more awareness about something so common and powerful. I personally know 4 people who died from mental illness and they are just as worthy to be aware of.
Secondly, I am simply just sad that he killed himself. I've written here before about being in the same mindset yet here I am after 7 suicide attempts, still alive and actually doing pretty well now. I know very well the suffering involved to hurt or try to kill yourself so what is the difference between me and him? What is that factor that kept me alive and let him die? I am certainly not more worthy than anyone else. I am sad that he will no longer light up people's faces except in recordings. I am sad for his family and friends.
Thirdly, I am scared. After being completely sober for 20 years, he went on a bender with alcohol and cocaine, went to rehab recently and then killed himself. As a recovering addict, this scares me A LOT. I have only 2 years of partial sobriety (I still drink on occasion but don't do any street drugs), I am in the middle of step 5 out of 12 from AA, I am nowhere near 20 years of sobriety. Many people, including recovering addicts, wish to think that after a certain amount of clean time you are 'cured'. You don't have to worry any more about relapsing. But clearly this is very false. This man had 20 years of sobriety and yet still relapsed. That reminds me that I have to be constantly vigilant and constantly work on staying mentally healthy and spiritually strong. The consequence of letting my guard down can take my life. What a harsh reality but true of any chronic illness. His death scares me by making me wonder if I will ever feel too comfortable in the future, let my guard down, relapse and then die of overdose or suicide...