fellow judgers

Hmm, I think I have noticed a disturbing trend I call 'judging fellows'. It occurs in this sort of situation mostly: someone has a problem, someone else who had a similar problem feels they can give advice on how to solve it but they also can get impatient, harsh and judgmental of the first person. Isn't that weird? You'd think that the person who had similar experiences would be the most sympathetic and supportive of the person with the problem but I've noticed that they can often be the opposite. A good example is the girl at my church who said she used to be addicted to drugs and would help me by calling me and praying for me everyday for my addiction. But as the weeks went by and I still didn't quit, she stopped calling me and later told me that I wasn't doing enough for myself to warrant her help. She was frustrated with me for not trying 'hard enough' by completely quitting. Well in fact, I've been doing alot more than just smoking up all the time and I've been regularly going to therapy which is a strong sign of someone doing something to help themselves! But to her that wasn't enough. I'm sure it's because she was able to quit everything pretty quickly and without any professional help and so she expected that it would be as simple for me. But addiction is different for everyone and there are varying degrees of severity. The more psychological issues you have, the harder it is to quit and believe me, I have more than the average person. I was so shocked and hurt when she told me how she felt. I thought she would be understanding but she in fact judged me through her own experience and thus had little patience for me and my struggles.
Another example is a few comments on reddit r/leaves which I have just discovered is just for people quitting weed or thinking about it which is awesome. One post talked about someone struggling to quit because they self-medicate for depression. One comment said that his problems are self-inflicted and that you need to get out and enjoy life and everyone else suffers too but they get over it and you should stop self-pitying and do stuff. The poster wrote back basically saying that that's what people say when they don't know what depression is like and it's offensive to him. I agree. It's hurtful and harsh and impatient of him because of the tone. It's mostly truthful but doesn't need to be written so angrily. The commenter wrote even more harsh words back with pretty much the same message as before but said they suffered from depression all their life. I was shocked. And thought about this fellow judging phenomenon. They said it took them years but they figured out how to be well and now they suddenly have no patience for others in the same boat but further behind.
So I guess this is a word of warning for myself and whomever. Just because someone went through something similar to your issues, doesn't mean they will be kind and understanding of them. They can just as easily have no patience and judge you as one who never had big issues because it wasn't as hard for them as it might be for you. No one goes through the same mental illnesses with the same experiences. It's harder on some than others and being harsh on people already suffering and vulnerable is just a recipe for disaster either way. For some people, quitting pot is not that hard. You just stop, maybe have a hard time sleeping for a few days, feel kinda funny but you get over it. It's just not the same way for me. I get dreams about using drugs and craving them, I feel alot of anxiety, sometimes to the point of panic attack episodes where I see and hear things that aren't there, I become self-destructive and have to fight powerful urges to cut and hurt myself, my emotions become even more unbalanced than they usually are with my BPD so everything becomes a big deal and everything I experience hurts more so I overreact to everything. Basically, I go crazy without weed. But it will drive me crazy if I don't stop soon. I can't believe what a trap I'm in. And nobody can tell me my experience is otherwise! I am struggling and that's the simple truth and it's my right to express it and need extra help for it.