oops June passed by...

The trip was amazing! We went to themed restos in Japan like Alice in Wonderland which was awesome, did some gothic lolita shopping in a whole mall floor of cool stuff, got to see a temple festival, in Korea we did loads of shopping, saw beautiful palaces, went to incredible restos, pretty bars, cosmetics, buddhist temple etc and saw my mom's side of the family which went quite well. There were only 2 comments about how I gained weight and one surprise visit from my aunt in Toronto who always says negative things about me to my face. Other than that, it was super nice to see my kind aunt who was closest to my mom and my other aunt and her husband who chatted with us a bunch. What was really funny was to see my grandpa test my fiance's tolerance for alcohol with sake because he is basically an alcoholic, even at 94. It was so great to see him, though I fear that may have been the last time I'll see him. He gave us so much money for the trip it was crazy. And he approves of my fiance which is what we came for. I miss him already.

Jetlag was pretty bad when we came back but after a week or so things are back to normal. We've been enjoying Montreal in the summer which I recommend to anyone. So many events and festivals. We went to the jazzfest a couple times, saw the fireworks competition which is still ongoing, hung out with friends on terraces and I got tickets to the best film festival ever, Fantasia.

This summer is also a summer of cutting back on meds, food and cigarettes. I have a schedule for the cigs which will see me smoke-free in a month. I know if I stop right away I'll get intense cravings for cocaine so I have to be careful. I'm also reducing Remeron, an anti-depressant that causes a lot of weight gain. Hopefully I don't need it. I'll see how my mood fares. I'm still on other meds that make me ok. And I just want to have smaller portions of food so that I lose a bit of weight. Nothing crazy or stupid.

I also want to progress in the 12 steps of recovery at MA. I am now on step 4 which is making an intense moral inventory of myself. I have to write down who I resent and why, what/who I fear and why and how that affects me now and then a list of sexual partners who I may have used or have used me. Then I need to list people that I have harmed or used. The point is to see the patterns of thinking and behaviour that are not good for me and to be freed from them by sharing the list with my sponsor and taking action in the other steps based on the list. If I accomplish some of the steps and the above things, I'll consider this a good summer!