May 4th is coming up

Sigh. This time of year again where I have to avoid any triggers about moms and then of course it's mother's day soon. We've been watching Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D and one of the characters meets their mom for the first time and it really triggered me. Today I dreamt that my mom was there and I was so happy just to see her face and she was dressed really nicely so I wanted to remember what she wore. I said, I can't fit in that size any more (I gained weight thanks to meds) and she said it doesn't matter. I know for a fact from previous experience that in real life she would have commented on my weight and maybe suggest liposuction or something so it was nice to hear. I wonder how I'm gonna handle the day she died this year. It'll be 11 years. I feel not too bad so far which is really good but who knows. I'll just keep praying and see what happens.