Spiritually speaking...

My spiritual life is mostly a mystery to me right now. I guess I've let it slide for so long without even realizing it that my mind has buried it away in a desperate attempt to stay in denial of what a bad condition my relationship with God must be by now. I used to pray, meditate and read the Bible almost everyday 5 or 6 years ago so I'm trying to start that again but it's so hard. For no good reason at all I just never feel like sitting down and taking the time to really pray and meditate and listen to God's voice. But I managed to sit down and do all those things this morning and yesterday and it was good. Even though I am in a constant state of despair God's voice still reaches me which is incredible. I've been worried and scared of starting Christian counselling because anytime I talk about my spiritual problems I get really upset and then I can't function and do normal student things like go to class and do homework. But I heard God asking for a little faith and trust from me that He would carry me through it. Anytime I get really upset my first reaction is to get away from it by distracting myself which means hanging out with a friend or doing stupid crap but I must learn to earnestly pray to God first instead.