Last week when I saw my counsellor, she seriously pissed me off. Mainly because she did the exact thing I did not want her or any therapist of mine to do which I mentioned earlier here. She pulled the "God has given you so much, i.e loves you, so what are you so upset about? Someone needs to slap you on the face to get you to snap out of it!" Wow, how is that supposed to help me exactly? I could pay anybody off the street to say that to me! Anyway, I've already thought of that, I've already had a slap in the face, I already know and appreciate what God has given me but His gifts alone do not make me happy and I thought a fellow Christian would have known that already. All I really want in the whole wide world is to have God's presence in my life, to have the Holy Spirit with me and to bear his fruit! And this lady added to my problems by joining the thoughts in my head that declare in thousands of ways how I have failed as a human being. So, yesterday I was able to explain all this to her without too much anger and nicely fired her patronizing face. We both agreed her approach does not work for me. And now I'm so relieved I don't have to go to that stupid ugly building, see her pretend to care and be forced to talk about crap I don't want to think about. Hallelujah!
Right now, I don't want another therapist/counsellor or whatever. Talking with my pastor has been the most useful to me and anyways, I want to focus on graduating and passing my courses this semester! With my new medication I should now be able to work ok without too much interruption from whatever it is that I have in my head.
Oh yeah, one important thing I realized, I often can't tell the truth from the lies and that's why I can't always choose life even though I want to.
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