rightly scared of sponsor

I knew it. I'm just too sensitive for close human interaction. On the third day of calling my temporary sponsor she already hurt and pissed me off. She's definitely wise but for me, often the truth hurts and I'm sensitive to it and her delivery is too blunt for me. I feel like she hits me over the head with the truth and I just can't take it because I'm feeling the exact same thing from my therapist and psychiatrist at the addiction centre and there's only so much I can stand. Only my psychologist seems to know how to talk to me without setting me off into extreme pain or fear. But he's already a rare find amongst professionals so how am I supposed to find someone like that in AA or MA meetings as a sponsor?! I just find all of humanity too harsh and judgmental. I need to move to a deserted island or something. This is partly why I used drugs. So I wouldn't care how people treated me. In my drug-addled mind I could pretend I was an island.

I'm so angry at the therapist and psychiatrist at the centre. My daily therapy group sessions ended today and now there will be a gap of 1 to 2 weeks where I only see the therapist I don't like once a week until I get into the relapse prevention group. To me, this is a crack in the treatment plan and I'm really scared of falling through and slipping. How is once a week from 5 times a week going to keep me on the straight and narrow?! I said this to the psychiatrist and he said "you are reacting to your fear of moving on to the next level, to something new" I said this is partly true but it's also the simple fact that I'm going to get way less support which I have been depending on to stay sober. To this he simply said to try not to be so scared. What the hell?! How is that helpful?? That's like telling me to love eating octopus (I hate the chewy texture). To which he said that's a bad example because he loves octopus. Again, not fucking helpful! What a jerk. I want a different psychiatrist there too or else I'm just going to go back to the one I have at the hospital. She's another professional who doesn't trigger my emotions too much. Anyways, I'm not even sure I want to come in and see the therapist during this gap. I hate seeing her judgmental face. She keeps saying she isn't judging but how can I believe her when it's written on her face, in her facial expressions? Perhaps I'm just being paranoid (I know I am pretty paranoid of people, especially when I'm upset) but I can't help it if I react this way to her style. I asked for a different therapist and she said they don't usually change therapists for people but that she would ask the team. That's just too slow for me. The gap in the plan started today damnit. Already this week I've had crazy intense dreams of using cocaine and waking up stressed and drained. Today I've had to fight off too many thoughts of drinking, smoking, popping, snorting crap that I ended up in a zombie state for a while, unable to move or talk except for very small movements. I don't have much energy to fight off temptation and I'm certainly not going to call my temp sponsor, too scared of what she'll say.