1 week, 6 days sober

I've been keeping busy: going to group therapy everyday, hanging out with good friends, went to an AA, MA and CA meeting in one week, back-breaking gardening, trying to get back into the groove of cooking for dad and bro again. Just trying to get through everyday life and errands and stuff. Finding it all a struggle because the smallest things give me stress, still paranoid of people, especially around my neighborhood and constantly feeling intense emotions about everything. Still been going to the new church and the pastor still makes a point of praying for me each time. Still says that I've been anointed by God for something special which of course is a nice thing to hear. But I still fear that one day she will abandon me and just stop caring and talking to me. I told her it's been hard (getting tons of stress from my therapist and consequently feeling even more sensitive and slightly more psychotic. Feeling bugs crawl all over me and seeing things moving back and forth almost all the time). She said when it gets hard admit that I can't do it and just ask God to help me, just surrender to Him and pray for the Holy Spirit. This echoed what the speaker said to me in a CA meeting. Don't fight the addiction because it will always win. Just stop fighting and analyzing and struggling and it will get better. It's a confounding paradox that I still don't understand since I feel like if I stop fighting I will die from relapsing.