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I don't feel like doing anything. Bad destructive thoughts keep going through my head. I really miss being high on  magic mushrooms. I want to grow them again. ARG. I played some praise music and read a bit of the Bible and that helped a bit but not as much as I thought it would. That's not a good sign. So I plan to have a music night with friends on my mom's bday. I hope that helps. That means I have to keep it together beforehand. Well, all I can do is my best...