ok I have right to complain now

It's still not as bad as when I wasn't clean but wow the same old patterns of thought keep attacking me and honestly I've run out of energy to fight them. So guess what. I give up. I give up trying to fight them. Anything I do from now on until this hellish period is over is just God's strength in me. That's all. I'm not wasting my own paltry energy in a losing battle. Maybe this attitude will change things paradoxically for the better but I'm not sure. Whatever happens for sure though, I always cherish my faith in Jesus. I've been through so much, Jesus has carried me so many times through the desert that I will never lose faith in Him no matter what.