Stories from the ward

Here are some of my thoughts while locked up in the mental hospital:
Feb.17th 14'
Yesterday was the first day I started to feel better. Before that, I was overwhelmed by destructive thoughts and acting on them. Mostly punching myself and running into walls. I also tried to cut my throat. I ended up completely tied down to a bed twice. I also have a custodian that follows me around everywhere and watches me constantly, even when sleeping. I have no privileges to go outside. One of my custodians was a really nice Cambodian girl, very pretty and strong and we became good friends. I want to find her on facebook.

Yesterday about 20 people from church visited me and brought me the same flowers as in my new tattoo and it was wonderful. They prayed for me and talked about the music night for my mom's bday and I felt so loved. I honestly don't feel as alone anymore. They were all so thoughtful. Then my fiance's parents came to visit and that was really nice too. His mom brought me a giant chocolate cookie heart that she always makes for Valentine's Day. Plus I have the cookies his brother made me. No wonder I'm gaining weight. Oh yeah, and then I taught origami in the evening which was fun too.

I had nightmares last night. I bought mounds of cocaine from a friend in MA which turned into crack. I was at a bar where a huge fight with flying glass happened, the guy who reminds me of Chris Tucker (he got discharged a while ago) was yelling and being threatening at Daddy's house and there was lots of kittens then I was shoe shopping with an old friend who turned into my roommate and there were awesome boots but there were only her size and not mine. So weird and disturbing. And I was trying to get a radio to work while my mom watched. What a dream. So I had a rough morning but I just asked for extra meds, tried sleeping, failed, had my nails done by a friend in the ward, chatted, did some drawing and finally it's almost 5. I got to talk to the doctor and she gave me cigarette privileges and my clothes finally tomorrow. The artsy orderly told me I should draw Harry Potter or Circuit of Heaven.