to the hospital

that's it. i'm done. this is my last ditch effort to take care of myself instead of self-destructing and then going to the hospital. i'm pre-emptively going to the hospital before i do something to myself. i really hope i am taken seriously unlike in the past. i am so drained and depressed that i can't do anything productive. even typing is hard. i really don't want to go but it doesn't look like i have much choice. please pray that i would be treated fairly and gently. i'm so fragile right now. all my thoughts are so destructive...