I used to pray, meditate, read the Bible and then write in my journal every morning when I was a tween. Well, I've never been good at discipline so it wasn't really everyday but I kept it relatively regular. But of course, eventually I couldn't keep it up anymore. So last week I tried again, this time doing deep breathing at the same time as meditating and I felt more calm and energized. It was awesome. While doing so, I had the thought that if Jesus is perfect, then he must have had perfect mental health as well. Yet he still experienced and expressed suffering, anguish, grief and anger and shared it with others. So intense, negative emotions are not bad to have. I guess the trick is what you do with them and to pray about them and then let them go. For some reason that's incredibly difficult for me to do. Anyways, I read a bit in Proverbs and one really struck me: (NLV) 19:8 "To acquire wisdom is to love oneself; people who cherish understanding will prosper." It's the first time I've seen the Bible very clearly stating that you should love yourself. For so long I thought that being humble meant hating yourself and how sinful you are. But as my pastor told me recently, you can only deny the self if you've accepted yourself first. So, as I've always done, I got ahead of myself. Also, it didn't help that I started studying the Bible at the age of 9 by myself with no one to guide me. I already felt mistrustful and rejected by people so I decided I needed no one but God alone, not realizing that God is all about relationships.
Of course, I only did the quiet time once last week and I don't know if it's because the devil didn't like it but I've been slipping and suffering ever since.
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