what am I gonna do

What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? Oh my God, what's the solution?? Monday is coming up fast, it's already Friday and my mind is spinning, trying to figure out how to get through the next week in one piece. Of course, there's always the easy way out; smoke myself into a stupor until the days pass. But then will I stay clean the week after? I spoke to someone who says drinking would be better because he got really hooked on weed too but I'm not so sure. On the other hand, my mom was really good at drinking and holding her liquor. She bragged about it and made fun of my dad because one drink makes his face turn red. Or I could make a sort of blood sacrifice to physically let my internal pain out, go eat her ashes as I've mentioned before... Honestly I just want to run and hide. And I hate feeling that. It never leads to anything good. Well, let's see, practically speaking I might go to an MA meeting tonight but I'm not sure. Tomorrow a friend has a housewarming but I don't know if I have the mental fortitude to be in a social party environment, Sunday morning I'll go to church and see a friend afterwards. On Monday a good high school friend says she'll probably have time to see me, and I also have appointments with my psychologist and psychiatrist. But none of that covers all the time I have to get through. I need to get rid of this dread and suffering somehow and soon. It's like daily torture and I'm getting worn down to nothing. And yet nothing looks good enough to help. Meanwhile, I can't decide on anything and things around me are moving again. Pictures on my wall are moving like in Harry Potter and I'm sober... at least for now.
God, please do something. Please relieve the pain, deliver me from the anguish. There's only so long I can wait. I just don't understand why I have to go through this yet again.