He delights in me

I go twice a week to church. There's the usual Sunday service but there's also the youth Friday evening service and after that is when the pastor and/or two youth leaders listen and pray for me. I think it's been helpful. But last week was something special. The worship music was moving as usual, and it may have been the fact that I was still feeling the shrooms I took earlier that day a bit but I really felt God's love. I felt it in the specific form of Him delighting in me and being proud of me. Especially of the last two years, the hardest years of my life ever. And I thought, are You really proud of me, really? All the overdosing, psych ward stays, becoming an addict, failing at going back to school and a normal life, overall going nuts and hurting myself... Life has been a nightmare and You're proud of me? And He said yes. I guess He's proud that I got through it all and did my best in terrible circumstances. When I ended up in a hospital bed nearly dying, each time I prayed and offered myself to Him and clung to His promise of salvation. I've suffered so much pain from being borderline and having depression but I never blasphemed against God's name or blamed Him for my suffering. I went through so much that I lost hope in life but I never lost hope in Jesus saving my soul and letting me into heaven eventually. I also became the family cook for a while in between there and managed it alright. But anyways, I'm not trying to become proud of my own doings alone, I'm just amazed God has enough mercy to actually be proud of me these past couple years and I hope not to forget it. Dear Jesus don't let me forget that you delight in me no matter what I do. Because you are in love with me. My mind has no concept of this really but please let it sink in and truly become reality in my eyes so that my faith is strengthened.