ok so I'm stuck

My individual therapist agreed. I'm stuck in an air-tight cycle he says. Although I'm definitely better than just a few months ago, I'm in this cycle where I try to do things but can't keep it up because of perfectionist beliefs that run me into the ground so I have more free time to drink and drug which in turn makes it hard to think, causes loss of interest in other things and gives me hangovers so I have less time to do things I tried doing in the first place and on it goes. So today I pushed myself with reassurances that whatever I do is fine and finally got to play some classical guitar, praise music and sing. But I guess that's not enough in general. He says I've got to break the cycle by making public commitments ie. school or work and reduce the drugs. So I'm gonna call two people he referred me to who are supposed to help me figure out and connect to what I want to do in life. The drugs? Well all I can do is keep trying to control the amounts which has been semi-successful but definitely hard. But what's harder is total abstinence and I'm still exhausted from my last failed attempt.