Happy Resurrection Day!

Mentioning the word Easter only makes me think of silly white bunnies and chocolate eggs. How ridiculously trivial compared to the amazing event of the Son of God dying and coming back to life to save me and all humanity from sin and death! Truly, our faith as Christians is founded on Resurrection Day because that's when Jesus rose victorious over all evil. But of course, this is the ultimate reality of the universe and not what we experience everyday and that's what trips me up like crazy. My pastor mentioned this in his sermon yesterday when he said that if you don't see Jesus' victory then you won't have the confidence, joy and assurance that comes with knowing God's love. Instead we tend to focus on the grave, on what seems impossible, on all the negativity in the world. I definitely do that but I just can't help it, I don't know if my BPD makes it harder to have faith in something I can't physically sense directly and am more sensitive to our fallen state. Thus I am thankful for at least this time of the year to focus on something I have trouble believing is the true reality. After all the apostle Paul said "I want to know Jesus and the power of the Resurrection!" So I should identify with the cross everyday and remind myself that the Resurrection guarantees my own resurrection one day.
My pastor made the very astute observation that before they saw and believed that Jesus resurrected, the disciples had shaky faith and were sometimes downright idiotic. But later they changed the whole world because their perspective was completely transformed. After knowing Jesus came back to life and beating sin and the devil, they counted on miracles as regular occurrences with the Holy Spirit and every Christian can do this too, even today. There are miracles happening everyday all over the world but we close our eyes to them since we don't even believe they're possible. I know now that my disorder shuts my eyes and keeps me drawn to the evil and suffering so I have to try doubly hard to keep meditating and focusing on the true reality of Jesus' victory and that he suffered out of pure love for me. Unfortunately no one can love perfectly as I intensely crave from those around me but Jesus the Creator Incarnate does.