I recently started in the day program at this treatment center which means I go there everyday for 5 hours. It's all group stuff and different speakers/therapists and subjects. Some of it is boring but some of it is interesting too. Like all the information on how drugs affect your brain and how others are doing and their experiences. But I am getting discouraged. I think I'm the only one still using in the group since most of the others went into detox too and I'm having a really hard time stopping. I'm just too scared, like I'll fall into the depths of hell if I stop. Others have said that alcohol grosses them out now, they got so sick of it but I don't feel that at all. I still miss the buzz and warm feelings you get from it at first. And obviously it's the same with weed. The others sympathized though, nearly everyone said they got addicted to weed too and found it hard to stop or would just switch to other drugs. My individual therapist suggested I stop by reducing slowly but my psychologist says I should stop cold turkey at the hospital since it's easy to smoke more if stressed. I think he's right but at the same time I do not want to be in a psych ward again. But I'm so scared to just stop by myself. I hate being conflicted.
Oh by the way, happy 4/20 day. It's dark, quiet and rainy and Frank is cozily curled up sleeping in my bed. It's a perfect day to smoke all day.
Arg.
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Hey Innah...
ReplyDeleteI really understand your feelings about that, but I think (and I'm sure others have told you) that you're not alone in experiencing the cravings and wanting to give in. This psychology of addiction course really reinforced that addicts most often relapse and you're right, life stressors really make it difficult not to fall back on it. The only thing you can do is your best. Even if it means picking up the pieces again. I'm starting to understand that myself with my mental illness.