Is extreme fashionable? really?

Ever since I was 12 I noticed I tended to like things on the extreme side of things, like dressing punk, then goth, wanting tattoos, acting out in class (when I wasn't as quiet as a mouse), generally feeling alienated and like a rebel. And ever since, I've noticed pop culture glorifying it all and becoming more and more extreme itself. I guess it started a while ago in Hollywood but where's it all headed? We get so caught up in the rebel ideal in our naive teens and then as a young adult... Doesn't it make it harder to mature and take on more responsibility? Well, I guess most people turn out fine either way but what about us vulnerable ones? I wasn't extreme just to be cool, it was more the suffering from BPD developing but I wonder now for the ones who did. I'm sure they've all had to pay for their anti-social behaviour while trying to be accepted and some probably fell into addiction that way, or pick up bad life-long habits like smoking or unwanted tattoos etc... All to be cool for a while. Though I guess in a way it's a phase that's necessary to form your own identity but I think I'm a bit stuck in it. Try as hard as I might, I just can't seem to see myself as anything coherent or consistent. My pastor likes to remind me that Christ gives me my identity since I'm Christian and I do believe this, but I can't see or feel or experience it much. The only explanation is my BPD is impeding me. Otherwise, nothing is stopping me from fully living a Christ-filled life since I already believe and understand the concept of being a child of God, being loved as God loved His only Son.
Meanwhile it grates on my nerves, this rebel pop culture, when I see it around me. Like my good girl friends having bad-ass boyfriends (but with jerk tendencies since they've almost all got big issues). Very few are just nice guys. One can't stop drinking if he's at a bar or club where he feels it's a competition of who can drink the most and then breaks up with my friend twice and doesn't remember it, another is verbally abusive and probably has BPD himself, another loves to put everyone down around him since he's so insecure, one has a problem with the drink too and used to be a skinhead etc... And of course there's my last ex, who's a criminally insane addict (no exaggerating, we met in the psych ward and he transfered from a jail for the mentally ill) who has recently relapsed and is back to stealing and dealing. Is it just guys have more issues generally than women? Or that women are influenced by the rebel pop culture and want a badass for themselves? Or both? Or, humans are just all conflicted individuals? My friend with the over-competitive macaq of a boyfriend told me recently that out of our mutual college friends, I'm the coolest and I would be the least embarrasing to introduce to her other friends. That's nice and all but I think she's seeing through the pop culture lens that I am like the rebel, breaking rules seemingly out of cool self-posession. But really I'm in panicked desperation most of the time, too stressed to always pay attention to rules. There isn't really much that's cool about me underneath. I'm addicted, not in school or work and struggling with myself everyday. How is that cool or good in any way? And so as all Hollywood concepts do, the 'cool' me goes up in smoke in front of the complex truth. And no my naive 12 year old self, it's not cool to be self-involved and careless, alienated and full of angst. And so it shouldn't be cool to look it either. Of course, this does not mean I should or will give up my affinity for dark fashion styles any time soon.